Wednesday, October 20, 2010

(sing the theme from The People's Court)

I have court tomorrow. This particular case is...just exhausting. I think my feelings about this case and this trial would be best expressed in a monologue by the steeliest of Steel Magnolias, the ever appropriate and civic minded...Julia Sugarbaker.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Beach Baby

Yall, if Florida were a boy, i'd totally make out with him on the first date. Our first full day at the beach has been pretty much uneventful.* And when you're with a four yr old and a one yr old, uneventful is what you aim for. Here are a few quick pics that will do until something exciting happens.

1)Mom and the kids building "stores" as Ella called them. The girl loves to shop. The sand is actually a lot whiter and the water much more blue than it looks on the picture.

2) Axton and Dog hanging out.

3) is there anything better than a coffee table pallet and a pink princess blanket after playing on the beach all day? (no, we're not making her sleep on the coffee table... She wanted to... Really....really!!

4) View from dinner at Dewey Destin's.

*does your 4 yr old niece puking up her entire dinner while still sitting at the dinner table, then projectile vomiting as you tote her out of the restaurant, count as an event?

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Sweet (?) Dreams

The good news? Last night I laid my head down on my pillow and I couldn't help but notice how much it smelled like my Mema's perfume...something I haven't smelled in years since she passed away. It brought back the best memories of spending time with her, sitting next to her in church, or letting her rock me in her creaking rocking chair while she sang "bye baby buntin. "

The bad news? I was in a hotel.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Baby, Baby, Baby, Ohhhh Baby

*The following story is grosser (more gross?) than this picture

And now ladies and gentlemen...I would like to present...the grossest thing ever said to me while eating.

Scene: Local Mexican Food Restaurant

Players: My Mother, Me, Girl who I don't really know but my mom kind of knows...and her newborn baby


Mom (To Girl who I don't really know but my mom kind of knows as she carries newborn baby past our table): Oh hi! Let me see that precious baby! (oohs and awws) Jahni, look at this cute thing, isn't he precious? (oohs and awws and stares and wishes for another grandchild)

Me(feigning interest): Oh, he is cute...(goes back to eating my delicious chicken fajitas..don't get me wrong, I love kids, and this one was very cute, but I was hungry and did I mention the delicious chicken fajitas?)

Girl who I don't really know but my mom kind of knows: Thanks, he's ok, we kind of like him I guess, I mean he cries and stuff, but we put up with it, 'cause you know the State makes us and junk

*ok, i may have ad libbed that last part, she was typical joyful new parent..but i swear to you, this next part is the straight truth*

Mom: Well, how are you feeling?

Girl who I don't really know but my mom kind of knows: I'm doing better, I had to have an emergency C-Section because my placenta was rotten.

Yeah. Meal Finished.

Monday, October 4, 2010

When I'm Sixty-Four

*This isn't me

Does being elderly really give you a free pass to say whatever you want? Or do some people just not know better? Either way, it's hard to be offended by what old people say, because then what would I (and the guy from write about today?
I was at the nail salon on Friday. I sat down in the pedicure chair next to an older lady and without an introduction, a how are you?, or even a nod, this is the conversation that ensued...

Her (staring at my toes): Do you find that because your toes are so long you bump into things more?

Me: (awkward pause while I process what she just asked me) ummm....not really?

Her: I just broke my middle toe

Me: Ouch?


i do not have long toes.