WWjD

(sing the theme from The People's Court)

2010-10-20T21:36:00.003-05:00

I have court tomorrow. This particular case is...just exhausting. I think my feelings about this case and this trial would be best expressed in a monologue by the steeliest of Steel Magnolias, the ever appropriate and civic minded...Julia Sugarbaker.

Beach Baby

2010-10-10T20:59:00.001-05:00

Yall, if Florida were a boy, i'd totally make out with him on the first date. Our first full day at the beach has been pretty much uneventful.* And when you're with a four yr old and a one yr old, uneventful is what you aim for. Here are a few quick pics that will do until something exciting happens.

1)Mom and the kids building "stores" as Ella called them. The girl loves to shop. The sand is actually a lot whiter and the water much more blue than it looks on the picture.

2) Axton and Dog hanging out.

3) is there anything better than a coffee table pallet and a pink princess blanket after playing on the beach all day? (no, we're not making her sleep on the coffee table... She wanted to... Really....really!!

4) View from dinner at Dewey Destin's.

*does your 4 yr old niece puking up her entire dinner while still sitting at the dinner table, then projectile vomiting as you tote her out of the restaurant, count as an event?

Sweet (?) Dreams

2010-10-09T08:54:00.001-05:00

The good news? Last night I laid my head down on my pillow and I couldn't help but notice how much it smelled like my Mema's perfume...something I haven't smelled in years since she passed away. It brought back the best memories of spending time with her, sitting next to her in church, or letting her rock me in her creaking rocking chair while she sang "bye baby buntin. "

The bad news? I was in a hotel.

Eeewwww.

Baby, Baby, Baby, Ohhhh Baby

2010-10-05T19:53:00.005-05:00

*The following story is grosser (more gross?) than this picture

And now ladies and gentlemen...I would like to present...the grossest thing ever said to me while eating.

Scene: Local Mexican Food Restaurant

Players: My Mother, Me, Girl who I don't really know but my mom kind of knows...and her newborn baby

ACTION

Mom (To Girl who I don't really know but my mom kind of knows as she carries newborn baby past our table): Oh hi! Let me see that precious baby! (oohs and awws) Jahni, look at this cute thing, isn't he precious? (oohs and awws and stares and wishes for another grandchild)

Me(feigning interest): Oh, he is cute...(goes back to eating my delicious chicken fajitas..don't get me wrong, I love kids, and this one was very cute, but I was hungry and did I mention the delicious chicken fajitas?)

Girl who I don't really know but my mom kind of knows: Thanks, he's ok, we kind of like him I guess, I mean he cries and stuff, but we put up with it, 'cause you know the State makes us and junk

*ok, i may have ad libbed that last part, she was typical joyful new parent..but i swear to you, this next part is the straight truth*

Mom: Well, how are you feeling?

Girl who I don't really know but my mom kind of knows: I'm doing better, I had to have an emergency C-Section because my placenta was rotten.

Yeah. Meal Finished.

When I'm Sixty-Four

2010-10-04T11:11:00.007-05:00

*This isn't me

Does being elderly really give you a free pass to say whatever you want? Or do some people just not know better? Either way, it's hard to be offended by what old people say, because then what would I (and the guy from http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays) write about today?
Example:
I was at the nail salon on Friday. I sat down in the pedicure chair next to an older lady and without an introduction, a how are you?, or even a nod, this is the conversation that ensued...

Her (staring at my toes): Do you find that because your toes are so long you bump into things more?

Me: (awkward pause while I process what she just asked me) ummm....not really?

Her: I just broke my middle toe

Me: Ouch?

ANNNND SCENE.

i do not have long toes.

Georgia On My Mind

2010-09-28T15:31:00.001-05:00

Maybe it's because the weather is getting cooler, because when the weather starts to get cooler I know that a trip down South is not far behind. Maybe it's because I've been thinking about a Coastal Georgia vacation. Or maybe it's because a colleague recently had the AUDACITY to not only question or imply, but to outright call me unethical. Y'all...it was ugly. I know that I'm a nice and respectful person. I know that I work hard to maintain professional decorum in and out of the courtroom. And I know that I work everyday to abide by the rules of professional conduct when representing my clients. But when someone flat out, wrongly accuses me of unethical practice..well..it just doesn't suit. And so I had to defend myself. But I may have went overboard. Like I said, maybe it was the southern influence...but i did it...that's right..I went Julia Sugarbaker on her ass.

And so, because of this latest inspiration (the details of which I can't disclose for legal reasons), I've decided that we all need a daily (or at least weekly) dose of Julia Sugarbaker...and why not start out with what I believe to be the best Sugarbakering of all...

Calendar Girl...Part I

2010-09-08T16:09:00.036-05:00

*Lucas, Jahni, Kari, Adam, Destin, 2005...Has nothing to do with the post.

It's only been a year. Can I claim that I've had writers block for a year? I'm pretty sure that anyone who reads this pitiful excuse for entertainement probably knows me IRL and doesn't really need much of an update, but just in case (and because i have NOTHING else to talk about) here's what has happened in the life of Jahni since August 2009.

Hmm...*crickets*

Ok, I'll try harder...I went to Denver for work last October. I wore ballet flats and it snowed... and I was LITERALLY shocked....by snow...in Colorado....heaven help me. Most people would not be surprised by snow in Colorado, but me? I think I constantly yelled "WTH Colorado?!" for the entire 20 minutes that I sat/stood/shivered outside the airport waiting for my taxi. But on a positive note I saw 1,000 zombies do the Thriller dance. Thank you Denver.

October, to any Oklahoma State Alumnae, also means HOMECOMING! I had a great weekend with a very good friend pretending like I was back in college. The weekend was made even better by my little sister Jennifer's engagement...perfect timing, perfect day, perfect ring, perfect couple

*Jimmy and Jennifer at the tailgate post-propososal...and yes, Jennifer, your ring still looks as pretty now as it did that day...so stop asking.

*Me, Jennifer, and My Hat at the OSU/Texas game later that season

I don't think anything interesting happened in November other than Thanksgiving and shopping, but at some point in the past year, it snowed...ACTUAL SNOW! I think it was actually in Feb or March, but I'll put this pic of Mom and Dad's house here because I don't have any other pic for Nov.

In December I ran my first Half Marathon and made a solemn vow to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. It was miserable and it hurt. I've signed up for my second Half Marathon this December.

*My finisher's medal from the race...13.1 miles 2hrs 23min

2010 started out with a bang and me getting my wisdom teeth removed (this is stellar info, right?). It also started full throttle wedding planning for Jennifer's wedding. For those of you who have had your wisdom teeth removed, did you spend the day of your surgery recuperating on the couch, drinking milk shakes, and popping pain meds (amazing, wonderful pain meds)? Or did you go bridesmaid dress shopping? Maid of Honor, bitches...bridesmaid dress shopping the day of surgery. But it paid off, because as you can see, our dresses were beautiful...of course we didn't find these dresses the first time we went shopping, so my post surgery shopping was all in vain.

The only thing I remember that was significant about February and March is that I went to Del Rio, TX for my Great Aunt's 97th birthday and found Julio's Chips. Julio's Chips are amazing and I suggest you get your ass to South Texas, risk being murdered by Mexican drug cartel, and get a bag NOW. Also, way to go Aunt Betty.

*I am not related to this man, but apparently he knows what's up with Julios Chips.

March was spent talking my sister out of eloping.

*This is a vintage picture of my Mom trying to make Jennifer "do" ...it didn't work in 1987, and it sure as hell didn't work during wedding planning. Feel free to comment on the hair and clothing of both parties.

April was spent regretting talking my sister out of eloping.

*But I powered through the regret...mostly due to this ancient POWER ON photo of Lucas...Hi Lucas!! (I really just love this picture and wanted to use it somewhere).

April was also the bachelorette party. I should use a cliche like "what happens at the bachelorette party, stays at the bachelorette party" but then I would have to punch myself in the face for using such a d-bag phrase. Jennifer and our 3 best friends in the world spent the weekend in Dallas and had a blast. We ate great food, met a fake marine or two, and impressed a piano bar full of people with our awesomeness. That story ends there. There is one pic from the night of the party...this is the cake I special ordered from the cake shop in The County...the baker asked if I would like a "fancy J"...YOU KNOW I DID!!!

*please note the fancy J.*

Someday I will tell yall about my mother, this cake shop, and the Veteran's Day cake that "looked like the 4th of July threw up on it" (mother's words, not mine).

May was a good month. We took a last minute trip to Florida so that we could get a "real" tan for the wedding. Our last minute trip to Florida also included a last minute trip to New Orleans, and let me just say this, my parents...Bourbon Street. My SOUTHERN BAPTIST, TEE-TOTALING, ULTRA CONSERVATIVE, NEVER CURSE IN PUBLIC, RESPECTED PILLARS IN OUR COMMUNITY parents...Bourbon Street. My mother described it as "really neat" while my father has yet to speak of it, with the exception of "never again." Sadly, I didn't take any pictures...I think I was too shell shocked, by my parents, on Bourbon Street.

Also, I turned 30 in May, and I'm ok with it...no really... i am.

Two weeks after I turned 30, I married my younger sister. Yes, Oklahoma allows that, we're pretty liberal here.

Ok, Ok, so I didn't bind myself to my sister in holy matrimony, I tied her to this guy...I also took this picture (my favorite) the day I walked them into the court house and showed them how to apply for a marriage license...

And because who can resist wedding pictures???

*Here we are laughing at something I said..because I'm funny...even in a holy ceremony, I'm funny...I like to think Jesus laughed a little too...

*Jennifer and Jimmy were married inthe oldest church building in Oklahoma, which happens to be (basically) in our home town. It's an old Indian missionary church and it's beautiful. But here's a tip, if you're going to be married in a 170 yr old building, keep in mind that they did not have air conditioning 170 yrs ago...just sayin...

*All wedding pictures were taken by Aaron Snow. He's awesome. We love him. You should love him too... http://www.aaronsnowphotography.com/

I am fairly certain that life just stopped after the wedding. My family quickly realized that we had planned and planned and planned for 7 months but had forgotten to plan anything for the rest of the summer.

So i'm going to have to think about these past 4 months..and probably give them a post of their own...

So...umm..yeah..I don't know how to end this post...umm..keep on...keep on truckin?

Stacy's Song

2009-08-31T14:46:00.004-05:00

Annnnnnnd I'm back. It's only been what...5...6 months since I last posted? I think that's about par for the course (that's a golf term...i do golf now). Ok...I have this friend that I've known since elementary school, she's basically a lifer...(Lifer...ligh-fer: It's a noun.) You know...a friend for life type of gal. So..this friend...let's call her Stacy...because that's her name...happens to be one of the greatest sources of my entertainment...EVER...and I don't mean that in a dirty way. I'll be writing more about Stacy in the future...but let me get to where I'm going with this.

A few weeks ago I was sitting in yet another conference listening intently to the various ways in which we as Americans/lawyers/grown-ups/DHS workers/people/animal lovers/health care workers/etc/ASAP/MYOB/BYOB/did i mention animal lovers/everyone else, can make the world a better place.... when I received a tweet (just google it, it's kind of like a text message) from Stacy about Twilight. Yes. Twilight. The Twilight. The teenage sparkly Mormon vampire Twilight. I like it. Stacy likes it. We're 29 (NOT 30!) years old. We're ok with it. You be ok with it. ANYWHO...so I jokingly respond to Stacy asking if she could please transcribe the first Twilight novel via Twitter so that I could read it and not have to listen to anymore world improving stuff... (By the way...if you're not familiar with the series, you will probably find zero humor in the rest of the post, so just do me a favor and stop reading now.)

Ok...I think here is where I have to explain what Twitter is (even though you really should have googled it by now). So Twitter is kind of a combination of text messaging and social networking. Basically you can post status updates (i.e. tell people what you're doing) via your cell or computer and those updates are sent out to the cell phones or computers of whomever is following you on twitter. These updates are called "Tweets." The catch is that you can only use 140 characters at a time.

wow...this post is becoming a major beating...just hang with me...the payoff is worth it, I swear...

Ok...So I asked Stacy to transcribe Twilight via Twitter...ha ha ha...look at me, I'm being a smartass and not paying attention in my conference...AND THAT IS HOW IT STARTED...

Ladies and Gentlemen....may I present to you in 140 character increments:

"Twitter Twilight"
By Stacy...An Admitted Fangirl

Chapter One. Hi, my name's Bella and I live in Phoenix. I know, I know. But it's a DRY heat.

I babysat my mom for 17 yrs, but she married Phil, a minor-league baseballer. He can take over. Should qualify for WIC on his $21k a year.

Moving to Forks, WA to live w/my dad. He's police chief, but his porn stache makes me wonder if he has something going on on the side

Chapter Two. I met a new guy in school today. Hawt. Paler than me! Brings new meaning to the phrase "white on rice." Hint: I'm the rice.

Gah. Edward hates me. I stink. Does angst have a scent? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I rolled in some apathy this morning.Smells like Teen Spirit.

O happy day. Eddie's back. He showed me how he sparkles. Note to self: Buy sequined bodysuit.

Bedward and I are in lurv. Squee. I'm like a drug to him. Insert inappropriate reference to mainlining HERE.

WTF? Caught Edward in my room last night. Kinda cool in a creepy stalker way, but I hope I didn't fart in my sleep.

Edward's taking me on a date. Vampire baseball. Snicker. Maybe now I can get him past first base.

Running for life. Have fallen down approximately 231 times.

Meeting James at ballet studio. Dying in place of someone I love. Cue melodramatic music.

Perils Edward has saved me from: truck, skeezy guys, & vamp bite (3). Perils I'd like to save E from: eternal virginity (1). Bella, ftw!

Edward threatened to leave me for my own good. Not sure what's more embarrasing - my ensuing seizure or my crippling codependence.

What to wear to prom? I KNOW! Leggings from 1985! & my grandma's sweater! AND CHUCK TAYLORS! Surely he'll want to rip THESE clothes off me!

Shiz. Edward won't kill me and it's killing me. Maybe if I make him jealous . . . Hey, Jacob, fetch me a bone, k?

The End. Unlike poor frustrated Bella, I'm tapped out.

Totally worth the muddled post, right?

watching the world go round and round.

2009-03-26T09:26:00.003-05:00

I'm stuck in a conference today. Since starting my job in healthcare/law I've been subjected to more conferences, meetings, group updates, etc than I care to count. While the content of these conferences is usually super boring (but sometimes helpful) I've decided that the opportunity to people watch more than makes up for the boredom.

Observations from today...

Two ladies sitting in front of me decided to wear matching chambray denim shirts unbuttoned, with red t-shirts underneath. Why would you plan that? (And now one of them is sucking on a grape laffy taffy)

Guy sitting four rows in front of me decided it was necessary to secure his ponytail with 6 rubberbands.I'm sure you're shocked to learn that he's balding on top.

Fake Coach purse 3 seats down.

Man with an eyepatch. I wonder if it's real or just for dress-up? Think he knows Johnny Depp?

Ladies and Gentlemen we have a 50 year old (give or take a few barfly riddened years) with long blonde hair extensions (I can see the clips)! Her outfit is great too, spandex/cotten blend trouser pants, studded belt, muffin tops and underwear hanging out (grateful it's not a thong) white (unintentional) midriff baring shirt, and a glittery tweed jacket. AWESOME. (Update...just saw pack of marlboro reds in jacket pocket...classy lady!) (did I spell marlboro right?)

Would refuse to wear my obligatory nametag except that they keep giving me the court clerk material and showing me to the court clerk conference.

How in the world am I supposed to respond to "you don't look like a judge?"

Girl to my right is actually dressed kind of cute. I like her cardigan. Just found out she grew up in Idabel. Cool.

One of the denim duo just won an avon doorprize. Score. Why am I at a place where they're giving away avon doorprizes?...and why didn't I get a ticket?

Just got stared down by a bunhead. I think she knows I'm not wearing a slip.

You're Hot Then You're Cold

2009-03-26T00:03:00.000-05:00

Does anyone else have the hardest time EVER figuring out how to work the faucet in a shower/bathtub that isn't your own? Especially if it takes the hot water FOREVER to come on?? I swear I can stand there for 10 minutes waiting for the hot water to come on before I realize that I NEVER TURNED THE HOT WATER ON. Sometimes technology is just miserable.

NOTE: I'm in a hotel with a very confusing faucet system. So you know, it's not a COMPLETELY random thought.

I'm a Baller...Shot Caller...(i'm such a cracker)

2009-03-19T11:35:00.002-05:00

March Madness Ya'll! Ok, so i filled out a bracket this year, just to see how I would do...and then I started to worry..what if I'm some sort of NCAA basketball savant and I get every game right? Who will believe me if I don't show my bracket to someone? They'll think I just filled it out as the tournament progressed! WHAT IF I'M BRILLIANT AND NO ONE BELIEVES ME? Of course, by posting this I've ruined any chances of that ever happening. If I would have just kept it to myself I could be secretly brilliant and would have to learn a lesson in humility.
But yeah...i'm posting it here...sort of, I don't have a scanner to scan it in...so i'm just going to make a giant list...FUN!

So herrrrrre you go...

Right Side of Bracket

First Round Winners:
Pitt
Ok State
Florida
Xavier
Texas
Duke
North Carolina
Butler
Illinois
Gonzaga
Arizona St
Syracuse
Clemson
Oklahoma

2nd Round Right Side of Bracket Winners:
OK State
Xavier
Villanova
Texas
North Carolina
Illinois
Arizona St
Clemson

Regional Semi Winners:
Okstate
Villanova
North Carolina
Clemson

Final Four:
Ok State
Clemson

National Championship:
OK State!

ANNNND The Left Side

First Round Winners:
Louisville
Ohio
Arizona
Wake
Dayton
Kansas
Boston College
Michigan
UCONN
A&M
Purdue
Washington
Marquette
Mossouri
Maryland
Memphis

Round Two Winners:
Louisville
Arizona
Kansas
Michigan
UCONN
Washington
Mossouri
Memphis

Regional Semi Winners
Louisville
Kansas
UCONN
Memphis

Final Four:
Louisville
UCONN

National Championship
Louisville

NATIONAL CHAMPION
Oklahoma State!!! (I'm sure you are all shocked by this pick)

2009-03-16T15:27:00.003-05:00

Kids, I tell you what...I littered today and IT FELT GOOD! I rebelled ya'll. I took the fast food sack that was overpowering my new car smell and threw that crap out the window...(after i ate my Mighty Kids Meal of course...i don't want to be trashy AND wasteful all in one day). I'm normally not a proponent of littering, i think it's lazy and rude and disrespectful...but today, i just said to hell with it. I was lazy. I was rude. I was disrespectful. And I took joy in every second of it. I'm not sure what came over me...(probably the aforementioned grease smell from the hormone laced feux meat hamburger that was penetrating my nostrils and working its way to my seats and carpet)...I actually considered pulling over at a gas station and tossing the bag in a trash can...and then I realized that i live in The County...and I was 10 miles from the nearest gas station...and if I waited 10 miles my new car smell WOULD BE GONE FOREVER...So i did it. I DID IT. You know the process...check mirror for other cars...check to make sure you're not in front of a house...crack window barely enough for trash to make it out...check mirror again...lift bag to window...begin to toss...PULL IT BACK IN BECAUSE A CAR IS COMING!!!...wait for car to pass...check mirror to make sure car is out of sight...count to three 1..2..3..deep breath...annnnnnnd IT'S OUTTA HERE! I swear I nearly yelped at the thrill of it all as I watched that paper bag float to the ground. I cranked my radio up and rocked out to John Mellencamp and Little Pink Houses....and enjoyed the rest of my ride. It was damn near blissful.

So I apologize Mr. Crying Indian...On this day, I did not do my part to Keep America Beautiful...well...i take that back..have you seen my shoes? They're definitely beautiful...They're ostrich...and that's an American bird..and I'm an American...and I wore them IN America...so maybe I did do my part, Sir...maybe I did.

Unce, Tice, Fee, Times a Mady

2009-03-13T15:40:00.003-05:00

I tell you what, Kari and I are really putting 110% into this blogging thing....

Seriously, this blogging business has only served to confirm that I have no life. So here's another easy escape from Lent challenge 2009. And go Cowboys...beat MO.

Three Names I go by:
1. Jahni
2. JT
3. Miss Tapley...if you're nasty

Three jobs I have had in my life
1. Telemarketer (I was awesome, I always removed old people from my call list...and kept recalling people who were jerks)
2. Pizza slinger at Pappy's Pizza
3. Risk ELIMINATOR

Three Places I have lived
1. Valliant
2. Poteau
3. Stillwater

Three shows that I watch
1. The Office
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Gilmore Girls...back off haters

Three places I have been
1. Ciundad Acuna..i.e. nasty little border town near Del Rio, TX
2. On top of the world's highest hill
3. Stuck in a back bowl on Vail Mountain...thank you Andy for not killing me...you could have buried me in the snow and left me 'til a good Spring thaw...

Three people that e-mail me regularly
lately?
1. Clint
2. Stacy
3. Saks...like Kari, they're one of my best pals

Three of my favorite foods
1. Any seafood from the Gulf Coast...except crab cakes
2. Turkey Sandwhich
3. Cake

Three things I'm looking forward to
1. The Beach (soon...very very soon)
2. Jimmy Buffett in April
3. Being Warm...my nose is cold.

Ride 'Em Cowboys!

2009-03-12T22:10:00.004-05:00

Oklahoma State 71 - Oklahoma 70

I love seeing ou lose almost as much as I love seeing OSU win...and when it happens at the same time....well...it's like a good crack high. Minus all the bad stuff.

Go Pokes Go Pokes Go Pokes Go!

Goodbye Ruby Tuesday

2009-03-11T21:21:00.002-05:00

Guess what day it is...hint: NOT TUESDAY. This would have been helpful for me to remember around say....5:00 pm...when I was supposed to be in court, because today is WEDNESDAY....not TUESDAY. My week is so screwed up. Jahni needs a vacation. Super bad.

That is all.

When You Think Tim McGraw

2009-03-10T20:37:00.003-05:00

Dear Tim,

I do not need therapy. I, sir, am perfectly normal. In my mind, every thought I think is perfectly rational or, at the very least, justifiable. And no, you may not point out that I am capable of justifying everything from eating a giant piece of chocolate cake on Sunday night (need to see if my medication is responding to my varying sugar levels AND I'm starting new eating plan on Monday) to spending a few hundred dollars on a great pair of shoes (cost per wear!).

Further, dear friend, I feel the record should reflect that it is perfectly normal to prepare yourself for the ending of a dating relationship (or whatever you want to call it). Therefore if one makes the statement "I'm so not talking to him anymore" and then proceeds to talk to the him again...and again...annnnnd again, in order to gear up for the actual not talking to the him, you shouldn't judge. It's a process. A long, drawn out, stressful, anxiety ridden, sometimes devastating, but often FUN, process.

Also, just a small point of interest: taking me to a movie and repeatedly pointing out..."see, you're her, and he's JUST NOT THAT INTO HER," does not help matters. In fact, it just fuels the fiery effort to PROVE YOU WRONG.

Lastly, I don't know how else to explain to you why the turkey was mine to begin with. I saw it. I saw the beauty in it. I told you to put the tickets in the ticket box. I told everyone at the table that if anyone else won it, it was going home with me. Bottom line...I AM THE REASON YOU WON THE TURKEY...therefore it's mine. But we all know that it's a moot point now...I won.

In spite of all of that...you're still a good friend, and I still don't need therapy...but maybe you could slip me that number...just in case.

Whatever IT is

2009-03-09T21:01:00.002-05:00

Things I Shouldn't be Proud of....But I Soooooo Am...

1. When I ask my niece "What do some people call you?" She answers "Space Cowboy"

2. I've read all 4 Twilight books, but managed to stay away from/only skim through that pesky Jane Eyre. (and i was an English major...and I had Mrs. Scarborough)

3. I know all the state capitols...(suck it 3rd graders!)

4. I can almost always list 48 states from memory in alphabetical order...I rarely get all 50 on the first try...hey...it's harder than you think! Don't judge me. And I'm not sure how that correlates with knowing all the state capitols.

5. I taught 4 guys from my Complex Litigation class how to spell tomorrow...TOM-OR-ROW...I saw one of them 2 years after we graduated and he introduced me to his colleagues as "the girl who taught me how to spell tomorrow" (I'm ignoring the fact that he had forgotten my name).

6. I can recite from memory Crash Davis' infamous "what do you believe in" speech from Bull Durham

7. I can make my toes stand straight up in the air

8. My niece and nephew both have my crazy weird feet and toes

9. I can do 15 flips under water without coming up for air

10. I wore #10 from t-ball through college

the end.

chopsticks

2009-03-06T22:23:00.001-06:00

Ok. I'm blogging from my blackberry, I'm so committed! I'm in okc and stillwater this weekend and DANG I miss it here!

I think I just saw a really stupid web commercial animated thing on tv.

KSH could easily be the love of my life. I'm so in love with that 6 month old plumped cheek little thing, I didn't even mind it when she pooped on me.

I got a new Jeep today! Pics to come.

Note to self: need to tease Lucas about travelling to pacific northwest to stalk Edward Cullen.

T-shirt Lyrics

2009-03-05T12:17:00.002-06:00

It happened this morning outside of the Court House...

Me (Walking up steps to court house, passing by half dressed guy standing on steps): Why is that guy not wearing a shirt?

Guy I work with: Because he's deaf.

Me: Ahh yes.

Devasation and Reform

2009-03-04T18:40:00.004-06:00

(Ignoring fact that I did not post twice yesterday...we've already established that I suck)

I'm so not creative. I'm out of things to talk about. I've no doubt that this is the result of actually sitting in my office and doing my job. The most interesting thing that happened today is that I was encouraged to go to the State Capitol and lobby against tort reform. I'm sure my boss is sooooo up for me doing THAT. I can picture it now...

'Excuse me, Mr. CEO of Hospital, I know that we just lost the county-wide vote on a tax that would greatly help out our hospital (thank you McCurtain County!), and I know that the entire nation is in the middle of a major economic downturn which causes people to forgo luxuries like healthcare, and I know that we live in an impoverished area of the state where people just don't like to pay any of their bills...(especially hospital bills for those pesky trips to the ER for overdoses and heart attacks and such), so would you mind if I, your Risk Manager/Insurance Liaison/Attorney/Employee, take a (paid) day and go lobby against tort reform?"

Yeah...I think he'd just jump all over that one. And then hit me.

LOSER

2009-03-03T11:01:00.005-06:00

It took approximately 4 business days for me to fail at Lenting. There's no way I could be Catholic. I did however post on Sunday. Kari and I had decided that it would be ok if we didn't blog on the weekend, 'cause that's what Jesus would have done. So maybe I get a little bit of credit? Orrr maybe not. Because of my Monday suckage, I've decided to post twice today.

Point of Interest: Before I get to the business of bloggin' I feel I have to call Mrs. Adam Hawthorne out on her challenge issued to me...I posted a photo taken by a friend and contributed my own commentary... unlike Mrs. I Went to a Slipknot Concert the Night Before My Contracts Final and Then Fell Asleep During Said Final, who copied and pasted an entire horoscope and end capped it with a one word sentence....SO, Mrs. Kate's Mommy, unless you've recently became an freelance astrologer and wrote your own horoscope...suck it.

So I had a weekend that I'm sure Sarah Palin would have been proud of. Some huntin', some shoppin', some family'n....just a good ol' republican weekend. Friday night I attended the National Wildlife (maybe just Wild?) Turkey Foundation (Federation?) Banquet with a good friend of mine. Now...let me be clear here...I use the term "banquet" loosely. To me, it's not a banquet if you're dressed in camo...but apparently in The County, it's not a banquet UNLESS you're dressed in camo. Dress code aside, it was actually a GREAT time. Met a cool guy with a barbed-wire hat band (not joking about his coolness...or his hat band...Dude was awesome), watched my friends bid on and win more turkey stamped crap than you could ever imagine, and I even made it home with that fabulous Wild Turkey Decanter displayed at the top of the page (bow at it's awesomeness). Ok..so I didn't actually make it home with it that night...it was taken from me, hidden away, and displayed in a Judge's office. It took me threatening an attorney (the original turkey thief), yelling at a Judge, and well...just throwing a good sized fit to get it back into my possession. AND I was getting threatening text messages last night, urging it's return. People need to BACK OFF MY TURKEY!

All in all....a good time.

We'll talk about the rest of the weekend in post #2. I'm a little overexerted from reliving my turkey hell.

Give Me A Break

2009-03-01T09:11:00.003-06:00

Yeah. What Kari said www.karitales.blogspot.com.
We're Baptist. We're not getting points for this anyway.

Spring Fever

2009-02-27T14:33:00.003-06:00

Spring has practically sprung in The County. The weather is warming, the grass is greening, and the locals are bringing their boats out of winterization, getting prepped for that first day of fishing on Broken Bow Lake. And as we all know, you can't make a trip to the lake without stopping by Wal-Mart(s) to stock up on supplies...but it's always a hassle pulling a boat and trailer through a crowded parking lot..thankfully a friend of mine spotted a fellow Countian who has got this problem W-h-i-p-p-e-d!

And they say we're not forward thinkers down here in The County...special thanks to my friend and his handy cell phone camera...he's also responsible for the "Not for Hire" post..

The Little Things Give You Away

2009-02-26T21:07:00.002-06:00

I have seen things (or perhaps I should say a thing) today that no girl should ever have to see. You would think that witnessing firsthand a case of Munchausen by proxy would be the most disturbing encounter of the day... alas, it was not. And the worst part of it...or possibly the best part for any readers...is that I can't tell you about it. I would probably lose my job....or at least be highly criticized should my boss ever uncover my Lent challenge. So, I'll just keep it to myself...trust me, you should be thanking me.

And by the way Kari...if we can find a driver who'll keep a stick of deodorant at the ready as well as our car, cake, and champagne...our life will be complete.

Day Two of Bloggin for Lent Down!

Don't Give Up On Me Baby

2009-02-25T21:48:00.002-06:00

Ok...so 40 days of bloggin'. That's the challenge that kari (www.karitales.blogspot.com) and i have taken on. Yes...leave it up to us, two non-catholics, to blog for lent. Normally you could argue that blogging isn't really giving up anything or making any sort of sacrifice, but I would counter with the fact that...Dude...I'm from McCurtain County..there are like 5 Catholic people here...I think I'm definitely contributing...possibly just because I know that Lent and lint are two different things...and also because when I did run into one of those 5 Catholic's today I didn't stare at them and say "Hey! You got somethin' on your forehead...might wanna go warsh."

And I sooo have to admit that had Kari not twittered me (oh yeah, we're twittered up) and reminded me that I had 2.5 hours until the first day of Lent was over, then I would have completely forgotten and started tomorrow. But that's what friends are for!

So here we go!

Around My Hometown

2008-10-13T10:39:00.003-05:00

A colleague of mine has one of the funniest obsessions. He keeps his cell phone handy and snaps odd photos from around The County. Last week I begged him to start his own blog and share his "art" with the rest of the world. He refused, so I'm doing it for him. I honestly don't know what's funnier, the pictures, or his narrative (which follows the pic). So here you go world...the brilliance that is The County.

"So.....I'm at the Roadrunner gas station this past Friday and this truck pulls up beside me. Was it really necessary to paint "Not For Hire" on the door? Do people run up to this truck when they see it and ask to hire the owner? You know at some point this guy had to be sittin' around on his porch thinking "Son of a Bitch! That's the last damn time someone's gonna ask me to hire out my truck!"

I've Got A Question For You

2008-09-29T13:53:00.003-05:00

Ok, so i've been MIA from www.whatwouldjahnido.blogspot.com ( i hate typing that out...again, thanks JUSTIN). I've decided to ease back into it Actor's Studio style. I have to admit I only started watching Inside the Actor's Studio because of Will Ferrell...so I think it would only be appropriate of me to include a clip after the infamous 10 Questions...and if you don't know what I'm talking about...I'm sorry. Google it.

1. What is Your Favorite Word?
- Beach

2. What is Your Least Favorite Word?
- Any slang for bathroom stuff

3. What Turns You On?
- Funny Sarcasm

4. What Turns You Off?
- Haughty Rudeness

5. What Sound Do You Love?
- Ella calling me "Sonny," and things that make clicks.

6. What Sound Do You Hate?
-Flourescent Light Bulbs Buzzing...like the one in my office...right now....

7. What is Your Favorite Curse Word?
- "Well CatShit!"

8. What Profession, Other Than Your Own, Would You Like To Attempt?
- ER Doctor

9. What Profession Would You Not Like To Do?
- Math Teacher

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
-"Well done, my good and faithful servant"

And here's the clip (can't figure out how to post from You Tube...so oh well....Will Ferrell = Genious...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BwcCHyidMk

Happy Birthday Baby!

2008-08-04T13:39:00.004-05:00

She's 5 ya'll! Vivy Jane, JD -Law Dog, Online Shopper, Roommate, Snuggle Buddy, World Traveler, Sharp Shooter, All Around Entertainer- turns 5 years old today.

Viv- you're the best. Thanks for keeping the house stocked with Diet Pepsi and for not caring how i look in the morning. Because it's your birthday today I will forget about waking up to your butt in my face this morning.

Morning After Law School Graduation

Halloween 05

Deer Season 07

Mother and Child Reunion

2008-07-29T10:42:00.002-05:00

And THIS, Mother, would be the reason why I don't call as often as I should...

Mom (on phone): I talked to [former classmate] about your class reunion this weekend.

Me (also on phone): Oh yeah? (How do i know this will not end well?)

Mom: She said y'all had the best time!

Me: Oh yeah? (Was she at the same reunion as i was? Because the part that she's talking about was NOT "the best time!" It was a hot awkward mess...but still intriguing...no digs at those who put it together...you know what i'm talking about...)

Mom: She said they gave you an award?

Me: No, they didn't. (How is it that my mother now knows more about my class reunion than i do? And why does that bother me so?)

Mom: She said they gave it to you after you left.

Me: Oh yeah? (Love being talked about after I leave!)

Mom: Yeah, they gave you an award because you wore a dress.

Me: Oh yeah? (Wow...Creative Bunch)

Mom: Yeah, you know you didn't dress very well in high school.

Me: Thanks, Mom (Stab to my heart, thank you for resurrecting all of those old insecurities)

Mom: Well (ha-ha-ha) you really didn't.

Me: Ok (Knife plunging deeper)

Mom: I mean, it was pretty bad.

Me: Thanks, again. I have to go. (Done with this)

Mom: Really bad.

Me (flipping her off thru the phone): Gotcha. I'm done talking. Bye.

Thank You For Being a Friend

2008-07-22T13:17:00.003-05:00

R.I.P. Sophia

Estelle Getty 1924-2008

From CNN.com

"Estelle Getty, the diminutive actress who spent 40 years struggling for success before landing a role of a lifetime in 1985 as the sarcastic octogenarian Sophia on TV's "The Golden Girls," has died. She was 84.Getty, who suffered from advanced dementia, died at about 5:30 a.m. Tuesday at her Hollywood Boulevard home, said her son, Carl Gettleman of Santa Monica.
"She was loved throughout the world in six continents, and if they loved sitcoms in Antarctica she would have been loved on seven continents," her son said. "She was one of the most talented comedic actresses who ever lived."
"The Golden Girls," featuring four female retirees sharing a house in Miami, grew out of NBC programming chief Brandon Tartikoff's belief that television was ignoring its older viewers.
Three of its stars had already appeared in previous series: Bea Arthur in "Maude," Betty White in "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" and Rue McClanahan in "Mama's Family." The last character to be cast was Sophia Petrillo, the feisty 80-something mother of Arthur's character."

Sigh. At least Sophia will live forever in syndication.

School Days

2008-07-01T08:36:00.003-05:00

Picture in your mind the sweetest, most dependant, loving, and caring individual ever. Couple that with an innocent but twisted sense of humor and you have my first-grade teacher, Mrs. Roady.

Recent phone conversation between Mrs. Roady and her daughter Jessica...

Jess: HOLY COW! I just walked past a girl that has on a see through white shirt and NO bra! I saw BOOB!

Mrs. Roady: Oh honey, feel sorry for her. She either wants attention or she has some sort of mental disorder.

Jess: She's with her boyfriend...

Mrs. Roady (completely serious): Oh, then that means he's supporting that...He's probably her pimp.

Rednecks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer.

2008-06-19T11:11:00.004-05:00

Oh. My. Gahhh.
Want a little peek into the lives of the people in a rural, backwoods county? As I type, an elderly ( I say elderly, but let's face it, the way people look around here she could be 34 with a fantastic meth habit) lady, wearing a moo-moo and a fab pair of taupe colored house slippers is holding a conversation on her cell phone directly outside of my office door. Here are a few priceless exerpts from her end...

*Well, you know Jr.'s broke. He done run up all her debt and now she's leavin him again.

*You know she quit tha drankin, and he quit tha drankin too, 'cept he's back on it again.

*Yeah, you know they done sent her up to (name of treatment facility), cause she done went crazy on us again. Started talkin' bout killin folks and killin herself. But I took care of it. I hid daddy's rifle so's she couldn't get at it.

*Green Tea? What the hell do you mean Green Tea? You mean ice tea? I ain't never heard of no green tea. That don't seem too healthy to me.

mmm-hmmm. yes. welcome to my world.

Miami, Miami, You've Got Style...

2008-05-20T10:37:00.003-05:00

Pop Quiz: Gossip Girl or Golden Girl?

(Thanks to the fine folks at People magazine)

I am proud to say that my only two missed questions were both misremembered Gossip Girl episodes...as much as I love those crazy, backstabbing, beautful, Upper East Siders.....my heart will always belong to Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, and the Sicilian Spitfire..Sophia.

Here's the link if you want to test your GG and GG knowledge....

http://www.people.com/people/package/quiz/0,,20055177_20201212,00.html

What's Your Name?

2008-05-16T14:07:00.002-05:00

The highlight of my week? Watching Grey's Anatomy...because it featured a guest character with the same last name as me. And it's a fairly uncommon last name.

Sigh.

I kinda feel like a Rockstar. It's the little things.

(help me.)

I Want a Boy for my Birthday

2008-05-12T15:49:00.002-05:00

Author's Note: This blog won't normally be used for ranting and carrying on about the shortcomings of the male species...but it's my birthday week and someone screwed up royally...so let me rant for a few...k?

SO! Mister finally gets home from his trip (the same trip he was on when he "forgot" to send me flowers for my birthday and then told me to get over it....but i digress...

Mister is home and we're enjoying an outdoor dinner with my parents, I'm being semi-nice to him while i'm "getting over it," when he announces that my present is in his truck and for me to go get it....hmm...not the best way to be gifted, but whatever. So I go and retrieve my gift...anxiously waiting to tear into the diamond earrings that he mentioned he was going to buy me for my birthday...I even thought that he would spring for a larger pair in deference to the whole flowers incident. As I carried my gift back to the table, I thought how awfully clever it was of him to disguise my gift in a large heavy box. He's sneaky like that. So I carefully remove the ribbon (it was beautifully wrapped) and carefully slit the tape apart, and unwrap my new, beautful, sparkling,.......

BLENDER.

again. good luck to you, mister. this does not bode well.

You Don't Bring Me Flowers

2008-05-08T09:10:00.002-05:00

I EXPECT FLOWERS ON MY BIRTHDAY, DAMMIT!
After 5 years together (give or take year while we were on hiatus), you think it would be OBVIOUS to at least acknowledge my birthday with a floral sentiment. ESPECIALLY if you are out of town. ESPECIALLY if you are out of town for the second year in a row. ESPECIALLY if you are out of town, for the second year in a row, and celebrating with my sister instead of me.

And by the way...telling me to "get over it" usually doesn't work out so well for you...so yeah...good luck.

Had a Bad Day

2008-02-22T15:15:00.009-06:00

So Far Today:

I've been cussed at by an octogenarian drug seeker who was pissed because she didn't get her fix of demerol in the ER (funny how her pain went away as she got angrier...)
I've been called a Tool...yes...a TOOL, by a 24 year old who claims she had an "emergency tonsillectomy" after leaving the ER (umm, here are a few tips for you 1. there is no such thing as an emergency tonsillectomy 2. if you don't take your prescribed medication, you're probably not going to get better 3. in the future, if you're planning on suing a hospital for negligent care of your sore throat, you probably shouldn't admit that you haven't taken the meds that were prescribed on your first ER visit, and oh yeah, you might want to lay off the meth and non prescription pain killers that popped on your drug test...just a thought).
I missed an important ceremony because I got the time wrong (oops)
and
I was hit on by a reallllllly old radiologist in a reallllllly gross way.

But in the spirit of looking on the bright side here are a few people that I'm SURE have had a worse day than me:

The Risk Manager at North Shore University Hospital aka The place where J.Lo's babies took a $6 million trip down the vaginal canal.

Garret Haley, not so much for being the first person kicked off of American Idol this season, but mainly for experiencing the horror of realizing how stupid that hat looked.

Kelvin Sampson. Seriously? Seriously?! Did you really think no one would notice? Remember how not very long ago you got in really bad trouble for doing exactly the same thing? Remember how you lost your job because of it? Remember that? Ohhhh Kelvin...you crazy idiot. I love that you thought you could get away with it. That takes balls sir. Basket sized Balls.

And Last But Definitely Not Least...

Rev. Rodney Rodis. "Ohhh dang...did I forget to mention my secret family I was hiding and supporting with funds from the church? I thought ya'll knew! I mean, that celibacy vow is just a formality, right? What? You mean I wasn't supposed to use tithed money to set up my kickass beach house in Thailand? Wait a minute, I'm confused..."

Dear Chicago

2007-11-08T16:04:00.004-06:00

So I went to Chicago for work, and guess what? It's windy there. Who knew? So I'm walking down Michigan Ave. looking incredibly cute in my Ralph Lauren-esqe (not a knockoff Kari, it's just reminiscent of Ralph) button down shirt dress and amazing Coach boots (which left not so amazing gigantic, near crippling blisters on each of my heels...i have pics), my arms loaded with shopping bags, and yeah...basically the wind blew really hard and I full on flashed the Magnificent Mile. It was nothing if not classy. The good news? I made $20.00 from a passer-by which paid for my cab ride back to the hotel (again, if my boss is reading this, i'm totally kidding...i made $40.00).

So yeah, I spent the week with 5,000 Risk Managers, and I'm guessing none were under the age of 40, but they were a rocking group, plus it's easier to be the prettiest when you're the youngest. And we all know that pretty and young = old men buying you drinks and dinner. I had dinner one night with an event planner who rode a camel down Michigan Avenue for his 65th birthday and who was spending the following weekend with George Lucas. I took an amazing boat ride/architectural tour of Chicago and saw some really cool buildings. I made quick friends with the manager of Carmines Steakhouse who totally hooked me up with an awesome table next to a college rugby team and gave me dinner on the house to boot! I'm convinced it was the accent, those Northerners love a little Southern Sass...either that or he witnessed my Mag Mile Flashing Fiasco. I even managed to get a little bit of work done while I was there! Amazing..

Not bad Chicago...Not Bad!

Floradays

2007-11-08T15:44:00.001-06:00

So yeah. I went to Florida and my blog went to hel..oops. My blogging did not continue. And also, I've decided to attempt to reign in my potty mouth. Apparently using foul language in front of a 1 year-old is not a brilliant idea. My apologies to my precious Ella for dropping a few choice words in your presence...but I'm sure it' s nothing worse than what your parents say in front of you on a daily basis.

So, 7 Tapley's, 2 Harris', 1 boyfriend, a 3-legged pomeranian, 1 over-exposed Dora Doll, and 3 vehicles made the tri-annual trek to the Redneck Rivieria last month, and I'm happy to report (in the fashion of the one and only Mrs. Orane Goode, the original page 6 columnist for The Valliant Leader...and it's pronounced 'Gude') that a good time was had by all! The boys did find their first day of deep sea fishing cut short due to rough waters and major sea sickness on the part of one whom shall remain nameless....the boy puked up everything but his toenails...and even those were loose by the time they made it to dry land.

But all in all it was a great trip, even if I did have to come home three days earlier than everyone else in my family because of work related responsibilities. Stupid Job. And if my boss reads this, I'm only kidding. I love my job. The food was awesome, the water was beautiful, and the tourist were gone. PERFECT.

By the Way..
If you've never seen a 1 year old stand at the edge of the water and scream her own name at the ocean...you're missing out.

Talk Dirty To Me

2007-09-28T09:33:00.001-05:00

It's official. I have a potty mouth. Me. Jahni. For those of you who aren't familiar with my background, I'm a small town, tres conservative, polite, well-mannered, all-American, Southern Baptist girl. There was a time (not so very long ago) when using a swear (curse, cuss, bad word) would cause me to immediately apologize and beg the pardon of whoever was in earshot. Yeah. Not the case anymore. The girl who has still never used the word "butt" in front of her parents ("so inappropriate Jahni, say rear-end or behind") has become a full on, sailor worthy, biker blushing, potty mouth. And I like it. Granted, there are words that I still refuse to use because they are tres gauche...The F-Word, GD-Word, and basically any word referring to male or female genetalia...but can I just tell you...I think I'm really good at using the few that are left. I would really like to list for you the different ways to use my favorites, but I'm not sure I've gotten to the point where I feel comfortable actually writing out those words. Besides, what if my preacher reads this? Maybe I should spend a little time here and attempt to figure out why I get so much joy out of my recent foul-mouthed fairings. Nahh. It's to much fun!

In the meantime...here's a funny video that I like to call Bible Study Gone Bad. It just seems to fit today's topic. I'm sure God will dole out some sort of similiar punishment to me for all of my verbal tirades.

Here She Comes

2007-09-26T11:23:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone, and welcome to WWjD...note the lower case j. It stands for Jahni, not Jesus. Sorry you had to actually type out www.whatwouldjahnido.blogspot.com, but unforutnately www.wwjd.blogspot.com was already taken. Shout out to Justin (of www.wwjd.blogspot.com) who has not written in his blog since Aug. 6, 2001. Thanks Justin. This is my first blog, and as you may have guessed from the byline, it was mainly the brainchild of my cronie and co-hort, Kari, of www.karitales.blogspot.com. If you haven't met us, you're missing out. We're fabulously personable, but fairly exclusive. If you're with us, you're gonna have a good time. We're fashion minded, entertainment focused, legally competent, and unabashedly vain...in the best way possible way, of course. We don't balk at the price of a pair of Jimmy Choos, were raised with all of the etiquette and charm of Southern Belles, and refuse to deal with your self-esteem issues. So, in the spirit of "I know we can do soooo much better than those other pathetic blogs..." welcome.
And by the way it's pronounced "Johnny." Like the boys name. But spelled like an Indian Zucchini.